Don't let me go
by Ruthyroo
Summary: A one shot after recent events. Stendan.


**Don't let me go :)**

You want to keep me safe, but that's the thing I don't feel safe with you anymore. I can't love you when you're like this, you shut me out, push me away and make me feel like I'm not good enough for you to share parts of your life with. I was just stupid to assume that you wouldn't hit me again, maybe I just put too much faith in you, but it's because I want you in my life. I love you more than anything and I thought I was enough for you, I thought you could change for me.

I'm so sorry for what I did, I wish I could take it back, but I can't and my only hope now is that someday ye might forgive me. I want to tell ye why, why I'm so damaged, why I'm so lost, but I'm scared you'll leave me, even though you'll probably leave me now anyway. I can't go on without ye, I can't do anything without ye and I need ye now more than ever. I'm so sorry I hit ye again, I can see your beautiful broken face and I still can't believe I did that, not when I love ye so much.

I'll stay with Cheryl, I'll do what you want me to do, but that's it for now, let's just see what happens with the rest. What I am supposed to do? I don't want to leave you, but I can hardly look at you right now. I'm dead inside from all the life you have sucked out of me, but there's a part of me that is begging you to return it, so that we can start over. Is it wrong to want you still after everything? Because I do.

Stay with Chez if ye can't stay with me, she loves ye, she will look after ye. I want it to be me, but I kinda lost the right to be the caring protective boyfriend, although I always will be no matter what ye say. Ye can't look at me now and I know I have no right to feel hurt by ye actions, I caused this and like Chez said, I have to take responsibility and I will you'll see. I may have hurt ye Steven, but there's nothing I won't do for ye…nothing and if trying to protect ye costs me my life then so be it.

You want me to go and I go because you've told me to and plus I don't want to die. This is your fight not mine, except it is my fight now because I'm involved. I'm involved because I'll always love you and I'll always want to be with you…even now…especially now. God my head's a mess I can't even think straight, but then I never could around you. It's good to see some things don't change. We wait for you but your plans change and we've fallen into a trap.

Ye need to go with Chez and get away from here, I will come for ye both when it is safe. I want to kiss ye, but ye look at me like ye don't even know who I am anymore. I have to sort this out on my own; I don't want to risk ye getting hurt. I've hurt ye enough haven't i? I wish ye could see me how ye did in Dublin; I'd give the world to see ye look at me like that now. I just wanna be with ye, but I have to find Seamus for Chez…she loves him. I go home, but it's a trap and walker is there.

We are stuck in here with no way to escape, but it doesn't matter because I know you'll come, you won't let me die in here; you won't let us die in here. Even though you hurt me again, I know you don't want me to die. Like you said you break the things you love and you can't get it back without me, so I can't die in here can i? But I can feel my body shutting down and I wonder if I'll ever see your face again.

I want to get to ye, but I'm tied up along with my Da and I'm scared of what Walker has done to ye…to Chez. He plays his games, makes me relive the most painful times of my life, back when I lost my innocence, but I've yet to tell ye about that haven't i? I promise to tell ye if ye survive this, so ye need to be strong okay? Ye are actually much stronger than I give ye credit for. I'm so sorry I should have been honest with ye from the start, it may have saved us all this.

Nate and Doug come to our rescue and I wonder where the hell you are. We return home to see the police outside and that's when it hits me that you might be dead. But you can't be because I need to tell you that I'm sorry for not believing you and that I forgive you for hurting me again. I run up the stairs with my heart in my mouth, I'm struggling to hold back the tears and then I see you and I know that maybe there's still a chance for us. What would I do without you Brendan; I can't even begin to imagine my life with you not in it. You and me forever, yeah?

I hope ye are okay, I can't get ye out of my head, never could…never will. We escape Walker barely and finding ye and Chez is my priority now. But before I know it ye and Chez are here in the flat and I've never felt so relieved in my whole life. I don't know how to be around ye, I don't know what ye want me to do. Ye tell me that you thought ye were going to die and I start to promise ye that I won't hurt ye if ye give me another chance, I mean it this time I really do. And then just like that ye throw yourself into my arms and I swear ye have never felt so good. I hold ye back and I want to stay this way forever. Hold me close Steven don't let me go.

**Please review xx xx xx**


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